Why am I Sad?
Dear Counseling Journal,
I woke up this morning and I didn’t want to get out of bed. I was sad but I’m not certain why. I don’t have anything to be sad about according to those external voices. I have a loving family, a few good friends, and my life is pretty good. I don’t have to worry about finances. I get to come and go as I please and all is well. I want to be happy but I’m sad. My sadness seems to be so dark. I don’t look forward to anything. I ignore the calls of my friends and family and I don’t do anything that I used to enjoy.
My husband wants to travel but I don’t want to go anywhere. Am I suicidal? I’m not going to do anything to hurt myself but I do find myself thinking what if I’m not here anymore. There are times when I just lay in the bed and watch mindless tv for hours closed in my room. I can’t remember the last time I had fun or a hearty laugh. I have this mask that I wear each day. I put on my “I’m content with life” mask with my family. I put on my “I’m busy and life is good” mask at work. Everywhere else, I wear my “I cannot believe my life is this great mask” and I’m tired of pretending. I want to yell to the world, I’m so damn sad and I don’t know what to do. I wish just one person would call and ask if I’m ok and pause long enough to get an answer. Someone said to get on medication. Well, I don’t want to be on any medications because I don't know the possible side effects so what do I do.
I get sadder when I think about the impact my sadness has on my marriage. We have sex sometimes because I don’t want him to cheat but often I’m just laying there waiting and hoping that he quickly gets done so I can go back and watch tv. I love him and enjoy being with him sexually but I don’t want to have sex. If anything, I’d rather be alone, watch tv, and masturbate when I have the infrequent desire. He gets angry because he wants to support me and help me but he doesn’t understand this isn’t something that he can “fix.” He tries to talk to me and I try to open up when I can but he doesn’t get it. He repeatedly asks me what do I have to be sad about. I watched a documentary and like J. Balvin said, “It’s like a dark dark pit.” I desperately want to climb out of this pit. I’m barely living. What do I do? How do I begin to live again?
Have you ever felt this way? Are you feeling this way now? If so, take a deep breath in, hold it for 5 seconds, and exhale for 5 seconds. Repeat this 5-10 times. Once you finish, take a break and seek help from a trusted friend or a professional.
I CAN HELP!
I am a Licensed Professional Counselor and I am here to help. After being stuck in the house for over a year, many people have been forced to sit with uncomfortable feelings and difficult pasts alone. This has resulted in experiences deep sadness shame, guilt, and anxiety to name a few feelings. This is where counseling can help. In Individual counseling and Couples Counseling, I help individuals struggling with depression and anxiety take off their masks and learn to experience their feelings and safely share their feelings without allowing those strong emotions to control every aspect of their lives. My clients undergo change over time in the intensity of their depressive or anxious episodes which can improve how they feel about themselves and their view of the world around them, their engagement in relationships, and their overall work performance. If you're ready to start living the life you desire, click the ‘Schedule Now’ button to set up a free 15-minute consultation.
If you are thinking about harming yourself in any way, it is time to seek help immediately. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline phone number is 800-273-8255. Someone is available 24/7 and it is free and confidential.