How to Support Each Other During Stressful Times
A couple engaged in a conversation, conveying a sense of connection and mutual understanding.
The silence in the car is deafening. You just left a friend’s house where a careless comment was made about your spouse’s recent job loss. Now, as you drive home, you can feel the tension radiating from the passenger seat. Your mind races. What should you say? Should you say anything at all? Maybe you should just turn on some music.
Do you ever feel like you’re walking on eggshells around your spouse when they’re stressed? You want to help, to make it better, but every attempt seems to backfire or fall flat. Before long, the distance grows, and what was once a shared life begins to feel like two separate people, stressed-out roommates, navigating their own storms under the same roof.
Stress is an unavoidable part of life. Whether it stems from work pressure, financial worries, health concerns, or family dynamics, it has a way of seeping into the cracks of a relationship and prying it apart. The person you lean on most can suddenly feel like a stranger. But what if these moments of high stress didn’t have to be a wedge driving you apart? What if, instead, they could be an opportunity to build resilience, deepen your connection, and grow as a team? With the right mindset, empathy, and proven approaches, including Gottman-recommended strategies, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) insights, and expert help through mental health counseling, it’s possible.
Below, you’ll discover actionable, compassionate strategies used in anxiety therapy and relationship counseling across Texas to help you and your spouse not just survive stressful periods, but transform them into foundations for a stronger, more loving bond.
The Science of Stress and Disconnection
Why does stress leave couples feeling disconnected or misunderstood? When you’re really stressed, your brain goes into survival mode. The amygdala fires up, flooding the body with stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline, chemicals that make you feel anxious or on edge. Your prefrontal cortex, the brain’s center for empathy, logic, and patience, takes a back seat, so it’s harder to communicate, and it's more difficult to access the skills you normally rely on during good times.
In relationships, this triggers classic dynamics that Emotionally Focused Therapy calls the “pursuer” and the “withdrawer.” One partner, the pursuer, might anxiously seek reassurance, ask pointed questions, or initiate arguments, just to feel some sense of connection. The other, the withdrawer, may shut down, bury themselves in work or hobbies, or avoid conversations to manage overwhelming emotions. As anxiety grows and coping skills falter, the more one pushes, the more the other pulls away. Couples get locked into this painful cycle, each longing to be understood, yet drifting further apart.
By recognizing that this stress response is driven by biology, not a sign that your relationship is doomed, you can begin to break the cycle. Support in couples therapy in Texas can help you learn how to interrupt these patterns and reconnect.
Gottman’s Secrets: Small Things Often
Drawing from the decades of research by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, one key to surviving stressful times as a couple is the principle of “Small Things Often.” It’s the little gestures, consistent and intentional, that build trust and intimacy, even in chaos.
Here are some Gottman-recommended strategies to support each other:
Turn Toward Instead of Away: When your spouse reaches out, whether with a comment, a sigh, or a request, respond with presence and kindness. Even seemingly small moments of connection, a smile, a gentle touch, a word of appreciation, act as emotional deposits.
Build a Culture of Appreciation: Make it a habit to notice the positives. Express what you admire or appreciate about your spouse daily. Even under stress, saying, “Thank you for making coffee,” or “I noticed how patient you were with the kids, thank you,” reminds both of you that you’re on the same team.
Make Time for Stress-Reducing Conversations: Gottman couples regularly schedule time to talk about external stressors, things happening outside the relationship. This isn’t the time to problem-solve your issues as a couple, but to give each other space to share, vent, and receive comfort.
If keeping up with these small gestures feels difficult during overwhelming times, don’t be discouraged. This is a skill you can build, especially with the guidance found in couples counseling.
Emotionally Focused Strategies: Hold Me Tight
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), developed by Dr. Sue Johnson, emphasizes the importance of emotional responsiveness and the power of secure bonds. When stress hits, our deepest need is to know: “Are you there for me? Will you respond when I reach for you?” In couples therapy, these principles are often used to help spouses heal and reconnect.
Keys from EFT to practice during stressful seasons:
Share Your Vulnerability: Let yourself be seen. Instead of criticism (“You never help around here!”), share your deeper emotions (“I feel anxious and alone when things are tough. I miss feeling close to you.”) This disarms defensiveness and invites your partner to respond with care.
Respond to Bids for Connection: A bid is any attempt to get your attention, affection, or support. Respond with empathy, even if it’s brief: “I can see you’re hurting. I’m here.”
Repair After Conflict: Fights are inevitable, especially during high-stress times. What matters is how you repair. Offer a genuine apology, acknowledge the hurt, or suggest a timeout, then return to the issue when you both feel calmer.
EFT-based approaches can be especially transformative for couples experiencing chronic disconnection or emotional distance. Seeking out relationship counseling in Texas with an EFT-trained therapist can help you develop these skills together.
Listening: The Foundation of Connection
No matter which approach you follow, active listening is the heart of emotional support. When your partner is venting, resist the urge to fix, advise, or defend. Instead, listen to understand. This practice is a pillar in anxiety therapy and in many relationship counseling approaches.
How to Master Active Listening
Set Aside Distractions: Your undivided attention is a powerful signal of love. Put down the phone, mute the TV, and face your partner fully, sitting knee to knee, not shoulder to shoulder.
Reflect and Validate: Mirror back what they say with empathy. “It sounds like work was overwhelming, and that’s left you feeling exhausted. I totally understand that.”
Hold Space for Their Feelings: You don’t need to agree with every detail, but you do need to acknowledge that their feelings are real for them.
Validation is healing. It tells your spouse, “You matter. I’m here. You’re not alone,” a sentiment important for anyone struggling with anxiety or considering mental health counseling.
Practical Support: Actions that Restore Balance
Emotional support is powerful, but practical help can be life-changing during periods of intense stress. Offering concrete assistance shows your partner that you’re a team.
Move from vague offers to specific actions:
“I made a grocery list, and I’m placing the order in 30 minutes. Is there anything else you’d like me to get?”
“I’ve got bedtime tonight; take some time for yourself.”
“Do you want me to help pay the bills or call the insurance company?”
This approach is echoed in Gottman’s perspective on shared meaning, seeing your relationship as a partnership where both of you actively create a sense of support and security.
Protecting Your Connection: Intentional Intimacy
When stress rises, couples often neglect physical and emotional intimacy. But these are the very times when nurturing connection matters most. As emphasized in relationship counseling, couples who intentionally create moments of bonding are better equipped to weather life’s storms.
Micro Deposits of Connection
Gottman’s Six-Second Kiss: A simple, daily ritual that communicates affection and commitment, no matter how hectic your schedule.
Shared Rituals: Whether it’s having coffee together before work or checking in each evening for ten minutes without screens, rituals foster safety and belonging.
Laughter and Joy: Don’t underestimate the power of shared humor. Watching a funny show or reminiscing about happier days can offer a sense of lightness and relief.
Embracing the Repair Process
After a conflict, the most important step is repair. Apologize if you’ve said something hurtful, and allow yourself to be vulnerable. A meaningful repair (e.g., “I got defensive earlier, but I don’t want us to go to bed angry. Can we talk?”) can shift the entire emotional climate. You both can learn how to turn toward, rather than turn away from, repair opportunities.
Recognizing When to Seek Help
Sometimes, the challenges are bigger than the tools you have at home. If you find yourselves in repeating cycles, with the withdrawer and pursuer roles locked in, contempt growing, and communication breaking down, reach out for support. Evidence-based mental health counseling offers you both a non-judgmental space for change.
Common signs it’s time for extra support:
Persistent feelings of disconnection or loneliness
Recurring arguments about the same issues
Individual mental health concerns (such as anxiety or depression) are affecting the relationship’s well-being.
Loss of emotional or physical intimacy
Investing in individual therapy or couples therapy isn’t a sign of failure; it’s a wise, proactive step toward building the marriage you both deserve.
Facing Stress Together, Growing Closer
The real test of a relationship isn’t how you show up when things are easy, but how you support each other through life’s inevitable pressures. Using research-backed approaches, like Gottman’s small things often and Emotionally Focused Therapy’s emphasis on secure attachment, gives you practical, compassionate ways to stay connected even when life feels overwhelming.
If you find yourselves in need of extra support, know that help is available to guide you. You have the capacity to turn toward each other, offer empathy and support, and emerge from stress with a deeper connection than before.
Monica Thompson, LPC-S works with adults navigating anxiety and depression who want coping skills that actually fit their lives, not one size fits all advice. She also helps couples who feel more like roommates than partners slow down, reconnect emotionally, and rebuild the closeness they miss.
Her work includes individual therapy, premarital counseling, and couples counseling. Learn more about Monica and her approach on her about page.