Happily Married Couples Listen Intently
Do your conversations with your spouse go something like this?
Husband: (mentally drained from the day) Hi Babe! (giving his wife a quick, lifeless peck on the lips)
Wife: (physically drained from the day) Hey! (barely moving her head to acknowledge her husband)
Husband: How was your day?
Wife: It was fine. Your son got into trouble in school today.
Husband: (with an aggressive exhale) What did he do this time?
Wife: I don’t know what he did. I didn’t have time to go to school again. The principal called you also. What are we going to do about him? Should we get him some help? Do you think he needs to talk to a counselor? (she goes on for 15-minutes)
Husband: he checked out of the conversation 16-minutes ago
Wife: thinking to herself he isn’t listening so why bother
They both quietly move to different rooms and other responsibilities without finishing their conversation.
Is this typical of your conversations with your spouse? Maybe not the content but the interaction; one person talks, the other person barely listens or barely engages.
Sometimes it can be challenging to muster up the energy to actively listen to your spouse talk about the happenings of their day. You’ve been listening to people, who love to hear themselves talk or the kids talk and you get home and just want a break.
The challenge is that you have not been talking to the one person to whom you said “I do.” You spend 9-15 hours a day at work or away from your spouse. You come home and give your spouse 30-minutes to one hour of quality time. You wouldn’t have gotten married if that was all the time you spent together when you were dating. Now, responsibilities are pulling you apart and it seems to be OK. Is it OK? After getting married and especially after having children, you must be intentional about prioritizing time with your spouse.
Sit and ask probing questions about their day. Listen for their fears, concerns, or excitement. Connect with them emotionally.
I could end this by saying if you don’t sit and listen somebody else will. The reality is if you don’t sit and listen, you will grow further and further apart and one day you’ll wake up wondering what happened to your connection. Don’t allow the disconnection to occur in your marriage; it’s harder to repair the connection than it is to maintain it. Be intentional and listen attentively.