Forgiveness: A Path to Personal Growth
When I first began exploring the concept of forgiveness, I was struck by how deeply unforgiveness can affect all relationships. Like many, I had often heard the saying that forgiveness benefits the one who forgives rather than the one who caused the harm. However, what isn't discussed in detail are the far-reaching consequences of holding onto unforgiveness; the consequences that extend beyond the relationship with the unforgiven person.
I think of the little girl whose father made countless promises but kept so few, and how she grew into a woman who struggles to trust men. I think of the little boy whose mother was distant and how he grew into a man who struggles to connect with women. Or maybe no one knows that thing you did but you know; deep down you believe no one would forgive you if they knew.
One author says, "It [unforgiveness] is a bondage that cripples marriages from their outset. It is a bondage that is often passed from generation to generation."
And sadly, if you survey your family, like a wildfire, you'll see the damage that unforgiveness has left. But the good news is that forgiveness is possible, and its impact can be transformative. In this series, we’ll explore what forgiveness means and how it can bring healing to even the deepest wounds.
Why We Struggle With Forgiveness
Forgiveness is easy by definition you simply let go of the offense and move on. However, forgiveness is difficult because it requires us to let go of anger, resentment, and hurt which are often justified in the moment. But holding onto those strong emotions creates a barrier between you and the other person and keeps you stuck in the past instead of moving forward with your life.
Growing up, likely your parents taught you to turn the other cheek and forgive those who hurt you. On the other hand, they likely taught you to stand up for yourself and not let others walk all over you. This conflicting messaging makes it difficult to know when forgiveness is necessary and when it's okay to walk away.
Oftentimes people think that forgiving someone is condoning their bad behavior. And no one knows the hurt you've experienced so why would you condone that behavior? No, forgiveness isn't about pretending nothing happened or excusing hurtful behavior.
Make Forgiveness a Conscious Decision
At its core, forgiveness is a choice. It’s deciding to release the load of negative emotions that weigh YOU down and choosing to focus on loving yourself instead which fosters growth and opens the door to healing.
It’s not always easy, but the act of forgiving shows tremendous strength and courage—and it’s a gift that most don't deserve. But where do you even start? How do you move past the hurt? If these questions are on your mind, you’re not alone—and you’re taking the first step toward a happier, healthier you. Stay tuned we will explore forgiveness and romantic relationships next.